Adam Sandler Playing Sports in Movies, Ranked

There are a couple things that you can usually bank on from Adam Sandler in his movies: He’s likely filming at a beautiful location so that his work doubles as a group vacation; he allows Rob Schneider to make an appearance; and he’s wearing his real-life attire, consisting of basketball shorts and a baggy T-shirt. But there’s no thread more constant than the Sandman finding a way to play sports.

Sandler’s love of basketball is well documented, and his pickup games have gone viral. Like, imagine showing up to the park and being challenged to a two-on-two game by Sandler and Timothée Chalamet. But Sandler is down to try any athletic activity when it comes to his films, with our extensive research showing that he’s played 15 different sports over a span of 20-plus movies.

Now, as Sandler returns to the course in Happy Gilmore 2, it’s the perfect time to rank the actor’s demonstrated ability in every sports scene from his career, whether in a film based around golf or one in which he randomly plays an impromptu round of hacky sack with a cat. This is such a daunting task that Bobby Boucher would surely recommend a water break halfway through.

Honorable mention: Running onto the field at Yankee Stadium in Anger Management to interrupt the national anthem and propose to his girlfriend (marrying Marisa Tomei is worth getting tackled by security).

As evidenced in Grown Ups (still to come on the list), Hollywood agent Lenny Feder is a baller … but, apparently, he’s a one-sport pony. Lenny discovers that his son, Keith (Cameron Boyce), might have a future as a kicker, with the 14-year-old burying some uncontested field goals from an impressive distance. Wanting to emulate defensive pressure, Lenny slowly rushes at Keith in a low-energy attempt to block the kick, only to trip over a sprinkler and run into his son, breaking Keith’s leg and possibly ending his career before it even started. Being slow off the line and roughing the kicker is not what scouts are looking for from their special-teams unit.

Marine veterinarian Henry Roth is easily shown up on the golf course by the five children of his strange buddy Ula (Rob Schneider), all of whom look to be the next Tiger Woods. While they drop their balls right next to the cup, Henry somehow gets knocked out by his own shot, which hooked into a cart and bounced back and hit him in the head. Happy would be ashamed.

Broke slacker Donny Berger reconnects with his estranged son, Han Solo (Andy Samberg), via a night of debauchery with Uncle Vanny, better known as Vanilla Ice. Drunk out of their minds, the trio disrupts a candlepin bowling alley and dive down the lane and into the pins, and Donny knocks over all ten for a human strike — without even spilling his beer. That being said, it has to be held against Donny that you’re supposed to bowl with a ball, not your body. Who knows how good he is at the real sport?

It’s time for a Sandman hat trick, in which he manages to play three sports in one movie. Sadly, that might be the most notable thing about Blended, his third collaboration with Drew Barrymore. There’s only a brief bit of each sport in the rom-com, which is set at an African safari resort, and so let’s just have all of Blended in a row. First up is basketball, and the only thing that widower dad Jim Friedman proves he’s capable of is a couple of passes into the post. Oh, he’s also good at ruining the game by embarrassing his teen daughter and talking about her bra.

Pro Comparison: Scootsie Double Day

A lot of the credit given to Jim here is just the fact that he’s an American giving cricket an honest try. Not surprisingly, he doesn’t seem to know the rules, given that he asks South African cricket legend Dale Steyn to throw it over the plate instead of bouncing it. But he’s a decent catcher for Steyn during a brief tutorial, while also delivering a solid pep talk to his love interest’s son, who then instantly “makes the pitcher my bitch.” Who doesn’t love a wise veteran catcher?

After playing cricket with the younger son of Lauren (Drew Barrymore), Jim throws on some gloves to battle her disapproving older child. Jim displays quality blocking, before then getting one light shot on the boy’s face. It’s nice of Jim to take it easy on his smaller opponent, but he lets his guard down and absorbs a punch to the gut. Without a killer instinct, it’s impossible to crack the top 20.

This is one of the few times where we have an official scouting report. Here’s how Happy Gilmore, the hockey player, is evaluated by a couple of coaches: “Guy’s got a lot of intensity. Not a real strong skater, though. Ain’t the best puck handler, either.” Not exactly a recipe for an NHL star. And it’s understandable that he has failed to make his local team at least ten times, based on watching him fall on the ice and miss a wide-open goal by miles. But his shot does pack a punch, breaking the glass. He also does literally pack a punch, beating up the coach who passed him over and taking on some of the other players. That coach learned the hard way that he should have signed Happy to be the squad’s enforcer.

Pro comparison: Any of the all-time goons

Donny, Han Solo, and Vanilla Ice’s wild escapades also included terrorizing an ice-skating rink, and while drinking a beer, Donny displays the type of skating talent that would have turned Happy into an NHL Hall of Famer. Donny can even move on concrete with skates, outrunning a mob of offended skaters.

What we’re told about Stanley Sugarman in this hailed Netflix sports dramedy does most of the heavy lifting. While Sandler is in coach-and-trainer mode in Hustle, Stanley’s bona fides are legit, having been a former star at Temple University who supposedly never backed down. “I love this game; I live this game,” Stanley tells his protégé, Bo Cruz (Juancho Hernangómez). It’s shocking to see Sandler on the basketball court and not be the one playing, but Stanley is a baller at running Bo through drills and motivating the unheralded Spaniard from obscurity into the NBA. And with this many pros appearing in the film, including Anthony Edwards and Luka Dončić, you just know that Sandler was balling off-screen more than ever.

Degenerate gambler Howard Ratner should not be allowed anywhere near an NBA facility or players, but, in pursuit of getting his prized opal back from Boston Celtics superstar Kevin Garnett, he steps into the Philadelphia 76ers arena. Rocking a leather coat and dress pants and shoes, Howard sneaks from behind a Sixers employee and pokes the ball out, proceeding to go coast-to-coast for an uncontested layup on an empty court. It’s worth betting that Howard’s game is basically limited to this, but bonus points for scoring a bucket in such non-athletic attire.

Pro comparison: Jose Alvarado

If immature rich boy Billy Madison exclusively played hoops against fifth-graders, then he’d be unbeatable. In Billy Madison, Billy isn’t shy to block the shots of his new preteen classmates, drain midrange jumpers against them, or trash talk. “Never leave me open, son, because I’m going to hit it every time,” he declares. “You want some more of that? I didn’t think so!” Could Billy’s skills translate to higher competition? Let’s just say that it’s notable that there’s no evidence that Billy tried out for the team when he got to high school.

Pro comparison: Danny Almonte

Adam Sandler’s primary character in this animated holiday comedy, troublemaker Davey Stone, probably belongs in the top five of this list. In a two-on-two matchup, with the loser being required to eat a sweaty jockstrap (that feels like higher stakes than the Super Bowl), he dominates a couple of bullies, piling up impressive plays, such as a nice steal, a nifty behind-the-back pass, a powerful dunk, a deep jumper, and sick handles. And this victory is accomplished by carrying his teammate, a young boy who admits he isn’t very good. So how is Eight Crazy Nights so low? Well, this is Sandler’s ability, and, unfortunately for this entry, Sandler also voices Davey’s original two-on-two partner, a short old man named Whitey, who is injured on the first play when his underhand layup is blocked back in this face, leaving him so injured that he’s dragged off the court. Since Whitey and Davey are both referees, surely they understand these rules.

In hitting grounders and pop-ups to the guests at his son’s wedding weekend (in a mini Fenway Park), Donny demonstrates that he can pepper the ball anywhere he wants on the field. But, let’s be honest, 50-year-old dads in Connecticut are routinely doing that for their kids’ Little League team. And Donny is upstaged by those he’s practicing with, including a grandma making a diving grab and one woman even catching the ball with just her breasts. Although, as an alcoholic womanizer and gambler, Donny might have been the perfect ballplayer for the 1920s.

Self-proclaimed neighborhood “monitor” Hubie Dubois doesn’t compete in cycling events or races, but he’s riding a bike more than anyone who isn’t in the Tour de France. On one hand, Hubie is an expert rider, able to flawlessly go backward and pull off the incredible feat of pedaling as he pours coffee, dodges eggs thrown at him, catches and eats some of them, and subsequently throws up because of the eggs. And yet, Hubie crashes at the sight of the beautiful Julie Bowen. Just think about how many attractive spectators are on the sidelines throughout the Tour de France, but those guys find a way to stay on their bikes!

Like with basketball, Billy takes advantage of his much younger competition, and, this time around, the age gap is even more lopsided since he’s playing against kindergartners. It’s technically a bad start for Billy when he walks outside for recess and is hit in the face with a dodge ball before he knows what’s going on. But, after his teacher sends him back outside, Billy transforms into Tom Brady. “Now you’re all in big, big trouble,” he warns upon catching the first ball tossed at him. He begins throwing darts, going 12-for-12 in connecting on his tosses. And the counterargument to the suggestion that he’s picking on smaller competition is: Yes, exactly, these are smaller targets, making the accuracy that much more impressive.

Despite having never played before, pizzeria owner Longfellow Deeds is such a natural at tennis that he must have picked something up from his earlier run-in with John McEnroe. The initial hit from Deeds is a bit outside, knocking out an older gentleman on the sidelines (don’t worry, he’s a new member). But evil rich guy Chuck Cedar (Peter Gallagher) is about to regret inviting Deeds to the club. The next three shots from Deeds smack Chuck in the chest, forehead, and throat. While you don’t see that often at the U.S. Open, technically, if it hits the opponent, that’s a point for Deeds. In an alternate world, maybe Deeds goes full Happy Gilmore and becomes the next McEnroe.

Firefighter Chuck Levine’s hoops game seems eerily similar to that of Sandler himself. In a three-on-three showdown, Chuck sets a good screen and rolls to the basket (shame on Kevin James for missing him), buries a couple jumpers, and plays some solid, clean defense. But the Sandler comparison ends when a gorgeous woman interrupts the action by accusing Chuck of cheating on her with her twin sister. The twin then arrives, and the women start arguing, until Chuck somehow convinces them to kiss each other. A pretty ballsy move, indeed.

Pro Comparison: Lou Williams

In the biggest upset of this list, the long-awaited sequel somehow can’t crack the top ten, and that’s because, while the highs are high for hockey player turned golfer Happy Gilmore (he’s won five tour championships since the first film), the lows are as low as it gets. By the end, Happy has his groove back, demonstrating his famous power swing and once again sinking the winning putt, which is done on a spinning green but still feels easy compared to the climactic moment from the original. Happy should actually be thankful to be in this position, given how bad he is upon initially returning to the sport after a long hiatus — not to mention how lucky he was in nailing some of his signature putts, such as bird poop helping knock one in. Oh, yeah, and he literally kills his beloved wife with a misfired shot. Clearly, Happy isn’t the same without his dearly departed coach, Chubbs (the late Carl Weathers).

The Ridiculous 6 made a bit of history — and, no, we’re not talking about its zero percent on Rotten Tomatoes. Netflix’s western comedy finds Sandler’s Tommy, a.k.a. “White Knife,” stumbling into the first-ever baseball game, as organized by the alleged inventor of America’s pastime, Abner Doubleday (John Turturro). Tommy is tasked with pitching to Doubleday, who says that the goal is to throw it by him twice. Tommy does just that, with two big swings and misses from Doubleday. A bit embarrassed, Doubleday now contends that it’s actually three strikes. Tommy then blows another one past Doubleday, but, refusing to strike out, the man makes up the idea of a strike zone, declaring that the ball was thrown too low. Tommy hits Doubleday with the next pitch, which Doubleday decides gives him first base. Continuing to make up the rules to suit himself, Doubleday steals second on Tommy, and then Tommy is robbed of another out when he forces a grounder, but Doubleday proclaims that a tie goes to the runner. Eventually, Doubleday calls for a halftime break, but Tommy is ready to depart and says that nine innings are enough. Tommy is so good that he basically dictated how baseball is played, and, still, it can’t be overlooked that he didn’t record an out.

Paul Crewe is no ordinary inmate: The former NFL quarterback’s career ended when he was accused of shaving points, but, years later, a drunk-driving incident lands him in prison. It’s there where he must put together a football team of inmates to play against the guards. The initial volunteers are less than promising, leading Crewe to try and recruit a group headed up by Deacon Moss (Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin). Moss says they’ll join if Crewe beats him in a game of one-on-one basketball. Caretaker (Chris Rock) rightfully asks if Crewe can hoop, to which old-timer Nate (Burt Reynolds) replies, “He’s a natural athlete.” The sole rule is that you call your own fouls, but Crewe gets some toughness cred by refusing to call a foul, even when he’s blatantly elbowed in the nose on the first play. Crewe shows some fundamentals, scoring via a layup and jumper, and he proves to be a scrappy defender, pulling the chair out from under Moss and striping the ball from him on game point, only for Moss to call the weakest foul in prison-hoops history. Moss then scores the game-winning dunk. Crewe lost, but, after taking such a physical beating and playing through it, he earned the respect of Earl (Nelly), who agrees to be his new running back. And Crewe is ready to put his pads back on.

Pro comparison: A mix of Alex Caruso and Ronald Curry

Billy’s athletic reign ends when he finally has to face an adult. But there’s no shame in barely losing a 40-yard-dash to Eric (Bradley Whitford), a second-team All-American during his time at Harvard. Considering the unexpected speed from Billy, maybe his basketball prowess could have translated past fifth grade, but we can only rank based on what we see onscreen.

Elsewhere on this list, That’s My Boy’s Donny was pushed down the ranking for bowling with his body instead of a ball. However, it doesn’t feel right to do the same to Israeli super-soldier Zohan for his brief performance of “cat sack,” which is exactly what you think: hacky sack but with a cat as the sack. With no other watchable game of cat sack to compare against, this scene in You Don’t Mess With the Zohan allows for the possibility that Zohan might be the greatest cat sacker ever, looking smooth as can be and never letting the feline hit the ground. Most important, it appears that no animals were harmed in the playing of cat sack.

Thankfully, Lenny Feder is much better at basketball than football. Shooting around in the backyard, he can’t miss with his patented midrange bank shot, with Eric (Kevin James) promising that Letty could go 50-for-50 on these. And it’s believable when Lenny sinks a no-look, over-his-head jumper. Later, in a rematch from their childhood, Lenny and his buddies take on a rival group led by Dickie (Colin Quinn). The offense on this squad runs through Lenny, and he delivers, draining a couple three-pointers and playing some lockdown defense. On game point, Lenny gets a clean look, right in his money spot on the court, but Lenny bricks the shot and loses the showdown. It turns out that Lenny missed on purpose, deciding that Dickie needed it more than him. Such a winner that he’s willing to be a loser!

Pro Comparison: Tim Duncan

With two spots in the top ten, Paul Crewe is definitely the most multidimensional athlete of Sandler’s career. Although, there are some question marks. First, Sandler doesn’t scream “NFL quarterback.” A punter in the vein of Pat McAfee, sure. It’s also valid to wonder if Crewe is a system QB. Like, before Moss and crew join, there are a lot of turnovers in practice, and he doesn’t seem to be making his teammates better. Then, some studs sign up and all of a sudden Crewe starts looking like a pro. And let’s not even dive into how he can be convinced to tank a game.

All that being said, Crewe stages a monumental comeback against the guards, reminiscent of Tom Brady and the New England Patriots storming back from a 28-to-3 deficit in the Super Bowl. And the rallying moment is Crewe avoiding a sack and scrambling — with no blocking or helmet — for a must-have first down. At the end, Crewe & Co. opt to go for the game-winning two-point conversion with a trick play executed to perfection. The inmates are pretending to be confused, with Crewe yelling at the sideline, but then there’s a direct snap to Moss, who throws the ball out to Crewe, and, while being tackled by a ’roided-up guard (four-time NFL champion Bill Romanowski), Crewe stretches the ball into the end zone for the victory. He’ll remember that touchdown for the next 25-to-life.

Pro comparison: Jared Goff, with shades of Johnny Manziel and Art Schlichter

Bobby Boucher is a once-in-a-generation talent, single-handedly carrying a historically terrible team, on a 40-game losing streak, to the prestigious Bourbon Bowl. The freshman linebacker is a gifted pass rusher, obliterating opposing offensive lines with his power, as well as showcasing unparalleled leaping ability. And when he’s not racking up sacks, Bobby is a special-teams ace, recovering onside kicks and blocking field goals and returning them for touchdowns. But the most memorable play of his unforgettable season (he deserved the Heisman Trophy!) is his long touchdown pass on the final play of the Bourbon Bowl to upset the powerhouse University of Louisiana. Now, this was in 1998, and it’s fair to ask if Bobby could hold up in the pass-happy direction that football has gone since. A running back today would be licking his chops at the idea of Bobby trying to cover him out of the backfield. But if anyone can do it and prove the doubters wrong, it’s Bobby Boucher.

Pro Comparison: Lawrence Taylor

Jill Saperstein doesn’t feel like she has much going for her, especially in comparison to her successful twin brother, but she shouldn’t put so much weight on her shoulders — even though she can handle it. Jill goes to the gym with her sister-in-law, sporting clothes best worn to church, and, between rants about Jack, Jill works out with a pair of German beefcakes. And Jill shows them up, first casually doing ten bicep curls with four 45-pound plates, and then throwing another 45 on each side and executing tricep overhead extensions like it’s nothing. Further illustrating Jill’s astonishing strength are the musclemen being unable to do even one curl with the same weight. No wonder Al Pacino was head over heels for her!

Nothing about failed hockey player Happy Gilmore screams “golfer” — until his club connects with a ball. The force to Happy’s shot that was a detriment on the rink is his superpower on the golf course, and no one can compete with Happy’s distance. Yes, in the beginning stages of his transition, he’s prone to a swing and miss and struggles to putt. But he quickly rises up the ranks on the PGA Tour, routinely hitting hole-in-ones, and his staggering development is illustrated in his epic putt to win the distinguished gold jacket and tour championship. A tower falls onto the course on the final hole, and Happy must play the ball as it lies, so he taps into his mini-golf experience and sinks an unprecedented shot, bouncing the ball off a car and down the tower, working as a Rube Goldberg machine. A note to Happy from the future: Just retire now, before your shot becomes deadly.

Hailing from hell, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Satan’s gentle and kind son Nicky heats up a basketball court. Sent to New York to retrieve his devilish brothers, Nicky spots Cassius (Tommy Lister Jr.), in the form of a referee (Dana Carvey), causing trouble during a Harlem Globetrotters game, so much so that the fans are on the verge of rioting. Nicky steps in as the halftime entertainment, volunteering to attempt a mid-court shot. The expectations of the spectators are low; Nicky gives goth-skateboarder vibes. But Nicky summons his evil powers and orders the ball to go in, and that’s exactly what it was going to do when he flips it underhand from half-court … until Cassius comes out of nowhere and intercepts it. (That obvious goal-tend means that Nicky deserves credit for the bucket.) The brothers then start playing one-on-one, and Nicky’s slick handles even impress the Globetrotters. But Nicky’s real trick is jumping from the three-point line and dunking the ball so viciously that the backboard glass shatters. Based on the insane value of NBA contracts nowadays, who wouldn’t sell their soul for that type of skill set?

Pro Comparison: A combination of Kyrie Irving, Payton Pritchard, Shaquille O’Neal, and Michael Jordan